I say ‘yes’ to a career, a relaxed, quiet home, and an exciting social life. I also say ‘yes, yes, yes please!’ to a satisfying sex life, spontaneity, traveling, romance and cosy, uninterrupted nights in with the man I love.
I say ‘no’ to the prospect of a screaming, bald, shriveled-up miniature clone of the man I love waking us up throughout the night stinking of poo and making demands of my heavy, shapeless, lactating breasts. I say ‘no’ to having nothing better to talk about than my darling’s first word/first tooth and shopping at Baby Gap.
If this makes me selfish then thank God for selfishness! (Interestingly, Patricia Rashbrook, the 63-year-old who is due to give birth next month after controversial assisted conception, has also been branded ‘selfish’. It seems that if we don’t conform to society’s arbitrary norms, we are just the scum of the earth. I think Dr Rashbrook is brave and amazing and she looks younger than most women in their 40s.)
Of course, being female and therefore governed almost exclusively by hormones, I have little doubt that when/if I do finally plunge myself headlong in to the world of babies, I too will wax lyrical about the beauty of the whole experience, and in a perverse way, I have to admit I am looking forward to ‘someday’ becoming a mother. But that day will come when I am ready, and not when some faceless, pious ‘expert’ tells me I should be ready.
On the 2nd May 2006, the Guardian published a ‘shock’ front page headline proclaiming that “Britons put work and fun before babies”, and the report opened with the statement: “Britain’s low birthrate is being driven by a generation of potential parents who would rather get rich and have fun than start a family…”
You don’t say.
The fact is, every educated woman has been told that being independent and forging a fulfilling career is of utmost importance. Feminists fought hard to get us recognized as equal citizens and we are proving to be at least as good as men in the workplace, notwithstanding the enduring salary issue. But that’s not all. We should not have to compromise on our choice of partner. We should look after our health and be beautiful. We should enjoy our lives and have fun. Where do babies fit in to all of this? The simple fact is we can’t have it all – it’s just not possible. Life is about making sacrifices, whether that sacrifice is postponing children or not having them at all; or sidelining a career that we cherish and enjoy in order to embrace motherhood – a notoriously tough and thankless job that we are effectively stuck with for the rest of our lives.
Day after day we are confronted with ‘role models’ such as Cherie Blair, Madonna, Davina McCall, Kate Winslet and (God help us all) Victoria Beckham – women with children, money, successful careers and a steadfast partner. Women who have all those things and look good. And naturally we assume that all these women are blissfully happy. Who wouldn’t be? What could they possibly have to feel sad about?
We want to be that happy, too. We want it all, and we want to be smiling all the way. We are duped in to believing that it is all just so… effortless. But real life is not like that and so we are primed for disappointment from an early age.
Teenage mums are frowned on – too young, silly girls, irresponsible and stupid, scrounging off the state, throwing away their youth before it’s even begun. And now ‘older’ mums (late thirties plus) are being vilified! Yes, we shouldn’t get complacent about our reproductive life cycle, but the sense of panic that has now started descending on women as young as 25 is a sad reflection on a society that supposedly upholds the idea of women as much more than wombs and bosoms.
Babies can wait. I’ll have another Sex on the Beach, please Mr Barman.
3 of 3
| PREVIOUS | NEXT |
See Also:
Bach And Bush Flowers
Health_MOT
PMS
Mentally Disabled Children
The Elixir Of Life