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| Make a clean break and don't torture yourself trying to contact him |
3) I know that you don’t think you will ever get over him, but trust me on this one, you will! It will either take meeting another guy (hopefully, he won’t be another Big-Willoughby) or a lot of time away from him (as in, no contact whatsoever).
4). DO NOT go to bars that you think he will be at just so you can “accidentally” bump into him. This will always backfire on you, as you will either see him with another woman or be too weak to resist his invitation to “talk” (i.e. you will go home with him and have passionate yet unfulfilling sex). Remember, out of sight, out of mind…whoever came up with that phrase was a genius.
Addendum
When things have finally ended, there is one more thing to remember. If you ever come across someone who knows your Big-Willoughby (let’s call him or her the “Liaison”), whether it be an acquaintance, a friend, or a distant relative, do not, I repeat, DO NOT inquire as to how your respective Big-Willoughby is doing. I guarantee you that the worst possible words that will ever pierce your ears are the following: “he met some girl.” Four little seemingly insignificant words on their own, but together, that’s one phrase that equals about a four month setback in your healing process.
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| Do not let a nice guy get away because of Big-Willoughby |
You will never feel good about what you hear from the Liaison in regards to your Big-Willoughby. Say hello to the Liaison, restrict your comments to the weather, and politely go your separate way from him or her. Oh, and one other thing – do not try to let the Liaison know that you are seriously dating someone just so they will tell Big-Willoughby. This will nine times out of ten backfire on you, as you will most likely look like you are overcompensating. Another repercussion might be that if the Liaison reports back to Big-Willoughby, your relationship news will most likely trigger a desperation call on his part (partly because he can‘t stand that you had the audacity to seriously be with someone else and because it will just provide him with the catalyst to try and get inside your head again), at which point you will immediately erase his digits on your MISSED caller log, in line with the outlined strategy above. If the Liaison inquires after your dating situation, coyly smile and say, “I’ve been dating here and there.” This will most likely be breezy enough that the liaison might not think to mention it to Big-Willoughby or if they do, it’s not a serious enough statement to affect Big-Willoughby’s ego.
The Aftermath
There is one good thing about this kind of unrequited love: it helps you finally someday appreciate the Aidan’s and the Colonel Brandon’s of the world, so that one day when you’ve gotten the Big-Willoughby syndrome out of your system, you will willingly make room for a man who will treat you like the fabulous woman that you truly are.
Neely Steinberg is a freelance
writer
living in Boston.
You can email her at
neely@nuts4chic.com
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