nuts4chic - sex
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by Elizabeth Black Too many straight people (and I might venture men in particular) believe that sex equals intercourse. But for many reasons, full intercourse (penetrative sex) might not be an option for some straight couples.
A significant number of men suffer from erectile dysfunction (indeed over 50 per cent of all men over 40 will experience erection problems at some point, and it is not uncommon for younger men to also suffer), and some women might find penetration painful or difficult from time to time, especially if she has recently given birth, is going through the menopause, or suffers from a fairly common medical condition known as vaginismus (involuntary spasms or tightening of the vaginal muscles). Sometimes men and women are too stressed or tired for sex or they simply don’t have the time – family, work and other day-to-day obligations get in the way. Or for some couples, sex has simply become mundane and boring and they don’t feel up to it any more – sex is effectively relegated to a rare, begrudging ‘treat’ rather than the regular thrill that it once was.
This article aims to explore the many possibilities for intimacy and love-making that are not confined to the traditional view of how sex ‘should’ be between a man and a woman. Lesbians would rightly and obviously claim that good sex is not about intercourse alone – and in fact that the best sexual experience a woman can have is unlikely to necessitate any kind of penetration. Lesbians can enjoy sex for hours, because they concentrate on the sensual aspects of love-making, and while they may penetrate using dildos, vibrators and fingers, crucially they recognize that the entire body is just one big erogenous zone, a sensuous expanse of flesh and nerve-endings to be explored and tantalised. So it is important to understand and appreciate that sex is not solely about the act itself. It is about so much more than just physical touch, and there are ample opportunities to feel sexy, erotic and alive without the need for any kind of sexual contact. Concentrating on life’s simple pleasures can open up a whole new world of possibilities. Listening to good music may arouse the senses; while a steamy, soapy shower or bath is a wonderful way to explore your body, alone or with a partner. Learn to enjoy the sensual pleasure that can be derived from cooking and eating: savour every bite of food, appreciating the variety of scents and flavours that come from a good meal: sweet, salty, sharp, tangy, spicy/hot, sour…. Contrast succulent, sweet and juicy summer fruits such as strawberries and mangoes with refreshing citrus fruits such as grapefruit, lemon, lime and orange. Test out the well-known aphrodisiacs, such as chocolate, oysters and asparagus (maybe not all at the same time unless you are feeling particularly adventurous!), and discover some new aphrodisiacs of your own….
All five of the senses come in to play when you learn to enjoy physical sensations both within and outside of sex. Above all, the mind – the imagination, source of all thoughts and fantasies – is the most powerful erogenous zone. Learn to live in the here-and-now so that you enjoy all of the sensations available to you that you may have never noticed before. Once an individual learns to discover the many and varied ways in which they can enjoy their own bodies (and that of their lover’s), they are surely on the road to a long, healthy and happy sex life. Sometimes we take our bodies for granted. Each and every one of us may have areas of our bodies that remain unexplored, and some of our most sensitive parts could be hidden erogenous zones that we didn’t even know we had! The right kind of touch in the right place could easily drive you in to an erotic frenzy. The nape of your neck; the backs of your knees; the balls of your feet; behind your ears; between your toes; under your arms; the base of your spine – use fingertips, light pressure, squeezing, stroking and tickling, soft and hard licks on parts of your partner’s body that you may have previously overlooked. The results may surprise and excite you much more than you think!
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