nuts4chic - the online women's lifestyle magazine

Elizabeth Black

Open you mind...not just your legs!

One way for couples to reacquaint themselves with their own bodies and the bodies of their lovers is to give and receive massages with scented lotions. Aromatherapy oils such as lavender and ylang ylang calm the mind and relax the body. Peppermint, orange and grapefruit are invigorating scents that enhance physical enjoyment. Or use flavoured body gels and lubricants or chocolate body paint. Experience the pleasure that comes from giving pleasure. One of the biggest turn-ons is surely seeing your lover aroused. As you explore each other’s bodies, don’t allow your mind to become distracted with the everyday problems or worries you may have – banish such erotic-killing thoughts and focus on your own body’s sensations as well as your lover’s. Only then will you become truly perfectly attuned to each other.

Try different physical activities and see
where it leads

When lovers are already communicating well, the good sex follows. Some men (and women too) focus too much on the ‘final goal’ – orgasm – and they don’t fully enjoy and appreciate each other’s bodies as they make love. Perhaps this is where the real distinction can be drawn between ‘making love’ and just ‘having sex’.

Sometimes, as ‘unsexy’ as it might seem, you do have to plan for sex. You have to consciously make time for it. If you have children you will need to make childcare arrangements in order to spend quality, uninterrupted time with each other. Likewise, if you both have demanding jobs, it is doubtful that you will be fully charged for rampant love-making when you get home in the evening or after your alarm goes off first thing in the morning. Even the weekends may become nothing more than 48-hour windows of opportunity for you both to recharge your ever-depleting batteries. Synchronising libidos also becomes a tricky issue in a long-term relationship.

But despite any of these everyday inevitable barriers, there are still limitless possibilities for great sex, and for making room for it in your life. It doesn’t have to follow a formula; it doesn’t need to have penetration as its main focus and mutual orgasm as its ultimate denouement. Try different physical activities and see where it leads – even something seemingly mundane like going for a walk together or doing the gardening together could lead to an unexpected and immensely satisfying sex session – and probably not confined to the bedroom, either!

Stories and movies, tease, toys and Tantra

The garden might prove to be a haven
of erotic imagery and fragrances

Couples may find that the use of sex toys, pornography or even just a good romantic/erotic movie might help to buoy up a flagging relationship. Some couples may even benefit from reading sexy passages from erotic stories out loud to each other. Or, if they need something a little less subtle to keep the passion burning, the now notorious Rampant Rabbit is a favourite vibrator among women. Ben Wa balls, an ancient Japanese ‘marital aid’ with a whole plethora of westernised incarnations (love eggs, vibro-balls, orgasm balls) will help to strengthen a woman’s kegel muscles when inserted in to the vagina. These muscles hold the balls in place and can also be strengthened by ‘pelvic floor exercise’. Tightening the kegel muscles during sex can bring about the most phenomenal mind-blowing orgasms.

There has been some debate about the existence of the G-spot (Grafenberg-spot). Named after German gynaecologist Ernst Grafenberg, it is thought by some to be the ‘female prostate’, and is a spongy area located about a third of the way up the front wall of the vagina. There is often a sensation or urge to urinate when this area is stimulated, but if the stroking is continued during sexual arousal it can be sexually pleasurable for some women. Products such as the Crystal Wand and the Archer Wand are dildos specifically designed to locate and stimulate the G-spot.