nuts4chic - relationships
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The Age of Sexual Desensitizationby Neely Steinberg
Let’s be honest: we live in a sex-obsessed society. Indeed, sex is everywhere we turn nowadays, from trendy television shows like the E! Channel’s Girls Next Door (featuring Playboy founder Hugh Hefner’s three blonde, well-endowed girlfriends) to popular women’s magazines, which nonchalantly tell us about the sex tips that will have men begging for more. As a result of the constant bombardment of sexual images and innuendo, one has to wonder, do we risk becoming so desensitized to sex that we no longer take the act seriously? Furthermore, if such is the case, what do we sacrifice as a society and within ourselves when sex loses its emotional meaning and consequently becomes something less than a final act of love? Certainly, the days of waiting to have sex until marriage has become an antiquated notion. “It’s not practical any longer to wait…sex is an important aspect of a relationship that needs to be tested along with all other areas of compatibility before settling down with someone,” explains Laura York,* a 26-year-old teacher from Boston. Justin Lalli, a 24-year-old salesman living in Boston seconds this notion. He states, “I believe that you need to have experiences before marriage or you will never really understand what you want or need.” But even if the majority of young people today feel that pre-marital sex doesn’t have to mean everything, does that mean that we should treat sexual relations as though it means nothing? Daphne Willis, a 24 year-old student and resident of Boston doesn’t necessarily think so. She responds, “I think [sex] is fun, and I enjoy it, however I also feel some of its intimate value has been traded for pleasure seeking.” Yet even with a seemingly growing laissez-faire attitude towards sex among young, single people today, many are still willing to admit that they have regrets about casual hook-ups. According to an October 2004 O, The Oprah Magazine sex survey of 3,000 women, 74% of respondents have had casual sex but interestingly, of those respondents, 80% had regrets about engaging in such relations. When asked about the topic of non-committal sex, Ms. York says, “When I don’t think through my decisions to sleep with someone and it is a spontaneous, spur of the moment kind of thing, I usually end up regretting it. I feel badly about myself when it is just one night of crazy fun.” Though casual flings may be more lamentable for women, Jason Badger, a 26-year-old consultant from Stamford, CT has also felt the pangs of regret when it comes to one-night encounters. “After having meaningless sex, I don’t always like the person I’ve become.” While we may be unconscious to the effects of an oversexed culture, Ms. Willis believes that the culture is, in part, to blame for the way we consciously view sexual relations. “I think [sex being everywhere] is a bad thing and further deteriorates the value of sex as an intimate act to be shared with only one person.” She continues, “You see the women in Sex and the City casually having sex with men they date and this becomes the norm…when you think about the way teenagers idolize celebrities it is easy to see the link between sex in the media and “‘real life.’” So what are we to make of this age of sexual desensitization? While there may be certain benefits to a more open discourse regarding sexual relations, one could certainly argue that the downside of such liberal attitudes towards sex, especially in the media (e.g. TV, movies, magazines, advertising/marketing campaigns), can have a deleterious effect on the way young people choose to use their bodies. Ultimately, when the sanctity of sex is diluted within a society, those within that society, especially women, may not be prepared to deal with the painful emotional and physical ramifications. However, given that our culture has such a powerful influence over us, what are we to do? While there may be no way to turn back the cultural hands of time, perhaps we can rely on ourselves to look beyond the multitude of sexual distractions that the culture spews forth and listen to our own hearts and brains when they are telling us “NO!” In the age of sexual desensitization, the culture may unconsciously numb our attitudes towards sex, but it cannot silence our inner voices – not if we listen to them carefully. * All names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the respondents.
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Neely Steinberg is a contributing editor and writer for nuts4chic. You can email her at neely@nuts4chic.com. |
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