When Cinderella met Prince Charming, he had loads of money and she was skint - but they lived happily ever after, never arguing about her credit card bills or his expensive nights out.

For the rest of us, real-life relationships are quite different. If your partner is a saver and you are unable to resist buying shoes, money is bound to cause conflict.

In his new book, You And Your Money, financial advisor Alvin Hall explains that the state of our bank accounts has little to do with the amount of money we earn. Instead the way we handle our emotions and relationships has a profound effect on our financial affairs.

"Money is power in a relationship," he says. "It's all about power and being loved."

Thrift expert Jane Furnival agrees. In her new book, Smart Spending With Jane Furnival, she explains that money is just as important as love and sex - and can cause just as much passion, chaos and misery.

"People don't take money seriously enough in terms of its emotional value."

FOR RICHER, FOR POORER

Jane Furnival's tips on smart spending

Hall says couples in the first flush of love often ignore money issues, but this can soon cause problems.

"Money is love and sexual attraction - but spending money to impress someone is completely insane. It's putting the cart before the horse and it can undermine the relationship because people don't realise that they can't continue spending in the same way."

A person's real 'money personality' emerges as the relationship develops, Hall says - and trouble can start when Mr High Roller suddenly puts the financial brakes on.

Even then, most people shy away from discussing money matters, he says.

"It's a difficult conversation. It's really hard to bring it up. People often resent the way their partner spends - but they won't talk about it, they just go out and spend more."

POCKET MONEY AND OTHER PROBLEMS

"Parents really give shape to children's financial lives," Hall says - and those who spend lots of money on their children aren't necessarily doing them a favour.

"If money comes easily, there's no incentive for them to work for it. Parents say they want their children to have everything they didn't have - but your child is not you. They don't need those things."

Other family members can also affect your cashflow. Hall knows from experience how money can affect relationships with brothers and sisters.

"I earn much more than my siblings. They never would ask me for money, but it creates an interesting barrier between us."

Whatever the relationship, Hall says communication is essential.

"In every case you have to talk about money. If you do have radically different money personalities, you need to set ground rules. If you're going to spend money, you need to talk about it."

Furnival says the best strategy is to call a family conference.

"It does help to make it a serious meeting rather than trying to talk about it when the phone is ringing and you're trying to get kids off to school. Control your tone of voice and try not to get too emotional."

She also recommends explaining the problem to your partner or children and giving them options.

"Tell them, I love you but I can't afford this at the moment. With children, give them the responsibility. What would they rather have - luxury ice cream all year at £3.59 a tub, or a nice toy at Christmas for £186.68, the cost of the ice cream? They can choose one, not both."

IS MR RIGHT A FINANCIAL FRIGHT?

If any of the following categories sets alarm bells ringing in your head, you may need to audit your relationships - as well as your finances.

THE SECRET FRITTERER A few pounds here, a few pounds there can soon add up. "Men are worse than women," Furnival says. "The average person fritters away about £1,725 a year - that could pay off the average credit card bill - but men waste about £240 more."

THE 'I DESERVE IT' SPENDER Think you 'deserve' a treat for getting through the day? Think again, Furnival says. "Ask yourself why do I actually deserve it? A bit of realism does go a very long way."

THE 'YOU DESERVE IT' FRIEND Don't be fooled by this demon in disguise, Furnival says - they only want you to buy something so you'll return the favour. "They don't want the status quo to change. It's like thin girls offering you chocolate when you're on a diet."

THE SUGAR DADDY Money is no object for this spender, who will do anything to impress their little princess. This applies to fathers and daughters as well as couples, Furnival says.

"It's all about ego and the idea that they are playing the role of the great provider. The woman is happy to play the subservient child-like role to get the goodies."

THE REVENGE SPENDER Spending to get back at your partner won't help the situation - "you're just getting back at yourself," Furnival says.

THE EGG-EACH-OTHER-ON COUPLE He complains about her spending - until he wants something himself. "People who are adults aren't necessarily grown-up," Furnival sighs.

ALVIN HALL'S SMART MONEY TIPS

Alvin Hall's book on how to manage your money and still have a life

Be honest about your relationship with money Are you a spender, do you have a sense of entitlement or are you passive?

Prioritise your goals Is your goal to save for a house, get out of credit card debt, go on holiday once a month or save for your pension? Set up a plan to do it.

Identify your weak spots Everyone slips up occasionally. Evaluate your spending every three to six months and ask yourself what you bought during that period that was a waste of money? Recognise how spending feeds certain emotional addictions otherwise you'll be trapped in the same pattern.

Keep saving Always save and avoid credit card debt. People associate spending with status and power - but how are you going to cope in the bad periods if you don't leave yourself with financial options?

You And Your Money Creating A Prosperous Relationship, by Alvin Hall, is published by Hodder Trade, priced £10.99. Out now.

Smart Spending With Jane Furnival is published by Hay House, priced £8.99. Out now.