With Valentines Day having passed us by with little less than a murmur (Let alone a padded heart) and 59% of people expressing the opinion that women should now be equally responsible for proposing marriage (according to the Korbel Champagne Cellars Proposal Survey of 1,000 adults http://marriage.about.com/b/a/015064.htm - which also discovered that less than half of women admitted that they would actually be prepared to pop the question to their male partners- I took to the streets of Brighton to find out what people thought about marriage, weddings and ladies taking the lead…

Seeing as it's the 21st century I think it's good for women to propose (if they are sure that's what they want and especially if the man is a wimp/ procrastinator etc). – Kelly, 22

I’ve never really thought that I would get married – weddings are expensive, stressful and pointless. Ultimately marriage tends to put too much pressure on a relationship. I probably think this because my folks aren’t married and have no plans to do so. The only benefit I can see of being married is that your partner then has civil rights over your pension should you die and so on. – Incurable Romantic (female), 25

We have moved forward and it is acceptable to have a woman do it but I am a little old-fashioned because I would prefer the man to do it. The sanctity and permanence of marriage has become undermined over recent generations and it has become increasingly more acceptable and easier to divorce so people take it less seriously than they should!  Girls have it rammed down their throats from an early age about how getting married should be our Ultimate Goal as adults, and that a “knight in shining armour” will someday whisk us off our feet and we will live happily ever after in wedded bliss. This is obviously Fantasy Land, and so we are set up as children to get hurt (or at least very frustrated) when reality doesn’t even come close!  - Anon (female), 24

I do think that marriage has unfortunately been somewhat cheapened by a consumerist, superficial society. This is why I am absolutely in no rush to get a ring on my finger - I adore my boyfriend and I know the feeling is mutual, so getting married would only be to officially and formally seal the future of a relationship I am pretty much certain is going to last forever anyway.... there is plenty of love with a little 'l' about, not so much Love with a great big sexy capital 'L', get my drift? - Anon (female), 20-something

NO - I WOULD NEVER PROPOSE!!! I would expect the guy to. I am afraid that for all the feminist postulating we go through I don't want to be liberated and modern, dammit, I want some semblance of the fairytales we were fed as children.   I don't think we should be laidback about commitment. Your attitude naturally changes when you reach your thirties and settling down (possibly starting a family) suddenly becomes strangely attractive. I still want the passion and the excitement, but I am more concerned about companionship. If you are going to spend 50 odd years with someone they had better be a bloody good friend! The papers are full of women leaving childbirth until their thirties, and of marriages declining in numbers. I think this is partly because of the changes to women’s lives (careers, travel, money, independence, recognition there is no hurry etc.) and partly because of caution. I don't know many couples of my parents' age that didn't divorce, including mine. I think society's attitudes have changed considerably and women are entitled to be happy and independent in their own lives, sometimes this may mean divorce, but think of all the women decades ago who were locked into loveless or violent marriages and could not divorce because of the shame associated with it. – Andrea, 32

I am a bit of a soppy mare when it comes to romance and I know that someday I would love to get hitched to a strapping 22yr old Argentine – Kath, 27

Personally I think it doesn't matter who proposes, although going down on bended knee in stilettos does have its disadvantages.   As for marriage, if two people love each other enough and feel like they are soul mates, then it should be celebrated.  There are enough w*nkers in this world that take people for a ride and it’s really difficult to find someone with true intentions. I don't think enough people take the meaning of marriage seriously or realise the consequence of being with someone for a LONG time I also think people have really unrealistic expectations of how things should be and people give up too easily and put a lot of things down to "irreconcilable differences"… Forgive me for me traditional, but I kind of know I'll get married one day, or at least be committed to someone for a really long time.  I haven't set myself a time limit and am in no rush.  I'd rather marry at 65 and spend a few years with someone who sets my world on fire, makes my head spin and gives me butterflies in my stomach every time I think of them, than rush into it and spend the next 25 years with someone who I think I love, but then want to kill after a very short space of time. – Shen, 25

Male perspective:

Personally I wouldn't like to be proposed to. I would feel flattered, but I would also think that if she wanted to marry me she should know me well enough to know I wouldn't appreciate her taking the lead. I guess the older you get the more important it [commitment] becomes. No woman wants to be left on the shelf, surely? I don't think marriage has become outdated but it depends on your background and value structure. It is the ultimate commitment, and something that shouldn't be done on a whim or to keep someone else happy. I do intend to get married “one day” – Theo, 31

I would say that it is fine for a girl to propose to a man, I would indeed be very flattered (in fact I'd probably die of shock)!! Commitment is important but it isn’t necessary to get married to show how committed you are to each other. Any relationship is based on trust, if you can't trust your partner then what's the point in carrying on anyway? And if you can trust them then why do you need a wedding ring to prove it? I wouldn't totally dismiss the idea of getting married myself, it is quite outdated I suppose but if you are totally certain a relationship is for life, then why not put that stamp of officialdom on it? It just shouldn't be used as a handy way of tying someone down! I do believe some women get carried away with the idea of their 'special day' without thinking through that it is for LIFE. – Ben, 27

Most men do not want women to propose, [because] for a woman to propose divests the man of control at a time when most men are already experiencing marginalisation in the work place, social space, in fact in nearly all areas of life . As for marriage - I admire those who love enough to commit. But… weddings… are now a combined act of social power plays - in too many cases these days it’s merely become a lavish public display of social prestige, of position and status... and interestingly it’s the new way in which men are asserting their alpha male dominance, not so much over the relationship, but over society. Like pillock peacocks running amok with gold cards. And Celebrity weddings prove the point precisely – it’s all just a SHOW – nothing more. – Disillusioned dissident and male chauvinist, 27

I think it depends on the relationship and who is the most dominant. If it's clearly on the cards then I don't think it matters who does it. But if a dominant male did it to his unsuspecting but loving girlfriend (as is traditional), would if therefore work if a dominant female did it to her boyfriend? Not sure, unless the boy was besotted by her I think that would be the final blow against his masculinity! I don't think we're scared of the 'c' word, although marriage does seem pretty pointless unless you've got big family plans ahead and a life sorted together. – Rich, 26

Yes, women can propose - this is the 21st century isn't it? Surely equality says they can. If a girl proposed and I didn't see it coming, I'd think she was a stalker. If it was expected, then I guess it'd be flattering. Would save me the hassle! Believe it or not, men have no problem with commitment (or at least this one doesn't). Only problem is finding someone worth committing to. Marriage still has a place, if you're set on going down the conventional route through life (wife, kids, etc., probably followed by divorce these days). But I guess it may be considered outdated amongst the less conventional. Personally, I wouldn't want a big wedding - I'd rather run off and have a secret wedding somewhere quiet – Mike, 33

… So it would seem that blokes, in general, are relatively amenable to the idea of their girlfriends genuflecting before them with a glint of romance and expectancy in their eyes… And likewise women are starting to buck some trends by boldly taking the bull by the horns and proposing to their men! If we can’t rely on men to take the initiative, and we want to stay true to our girlhood dreams of looking fresh, young and beautiful in our wedding gown, then why not? And for those of us who are prepared to hold on, who still stubbornly hanker after a lavish, emotional proposal in a gloriously romantic location, with a diamond dazzler pushed on to our trembling digit by a tearful, overwhelmed lover… well… some things are worth waiting for.

Trust was perceived by everyone, regardless of their personal opinions on marriage, as forming the basis of a healthy and enduring relationship, and it was agreed that from this essential basis of trust, some demonstrable form of commitment –whether it be co-habiting, having children, getting married – would naturally follow.