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Modern Life : When is it ok to lie?

by Siobhan Lismore

Unbelievably there are over a million web-pages dedicated to this question, some dating back to the early 90’s when an American mother stumbled across her first chat room and asked: Is it ok to lie about Santa?

Unfortunately for her, it was three months before anyone bothered to reply, so we will never know if there was a house state-side with a ruined Christmas and some ammunition for teen angst.

Santa and all things jingly aside, I actually believe there are lies that we can justify telling to each other. I am not talking about those lies we often tell in answer to questions about weight, boyfriends, or drunkenness, but lies we tell to each other every day, lies so subtle we don’t even notice we are lying.

Like the exaggerated gym sessions, the way we stick to our diets, our whirl of a social life and our superb relationships.

My friend Rosa does this all the time; at work she is in control, intellectually stimulating and fabulously dressed. Everyone she works with suspects she is off visiting private views each night, watching documentaries or working out.

The truth: She is more likely to be caught stumbling out of a kebab house at 2am than an arthouse cinema.

She said: “I don’t actually tell people at work what I do, they ask what I am getting up to, and rather than say I’m going to watch Eastenders and order in, I say I have a documentary taped and am looking forward to a quiet night.”

Rosa is only one example of the many porkies we tell every day, she isn’t hurting anyone other than herself in the long run by creating an aura of mystique

But there are other examples of lies we tell, some not as far fetched as Rosa’s, we lie about how much we have spent on an outfit, shaving off a couple of notes to make ourselves feel better about our bargain. We exaggerate success at work and in our personal life to friends, we tell our parents we are eating healthily, we tell our doctor we drink a lot less and we tell our gym instructors we work out a lot more.

But what about the other lies we tell? The lies to make each other feel better; these are the lies you tell your best friend to make her feel better, or the lies you tell to quell a situation, the Comforting White Lie.

This could be a situation where your slightly plump friends tries out her triangle bikini and asks your opinion, or it could be where you decide not to tell someone a home truth to protect them.

Jamie, 25, tried this approach to deal with his jealous girlfriend, not telling her when he was meeting up with female friends.

To avoid the inevitable arguments, he would tell her he was meeting an old university friend, Daniel, when he was actually meeting with a gaggle of old female friends.

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For Jamie, the lie worked. His jealous girlfriend never found out, and he was able to keep a normal life going, until her jealousy got too much and he finished with her.

Rodney, 27, tried this trick with his girlfriend, after finding out that she was planning a romantic weekend in Paris, he didn’t tell her he knew, but told all of his friends. When she found out that he had known all along, and effectively been keeping it from her instead of planning the trip she got so angry she threw his passport out the car window. Bye bye Paris.

So is it OK to lie? Yes, if you can cope with the consequences of having your imaginaryworld crash down around your ears and your nearest and dearest to hate you for it, go ahead, nuts4chic is staying out of this one.

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